Hey there guys! Hope y'all are all doing well... lots of fun things have happened and I thought I'd share some of it with you...

So yeah, I was able to have a really awesome fall break and even got to escape from the college for a couple of the days thanks to my incredible friend Rich and just had a blast (learned how to put together and shoot a paintball gun :D )! Unfortunately however, all good things must come to end and so today I returned to the hustle and bustle of school and literally felt like I was hitting the ground running. This next week or so I'm going to be spitting out papers and projects left and right so hopefully I won't be too overwhelmed and busy to make time for my family and friends! Hopefully... ^.^;




Yes... during this time off, I was able to get some free time to finally read some books. One of the books that I was able to read was by Francine Rivers called Redeeming Love. Now, I've heard of it and never picked it up until now. Finished this like 600 page book in two days and oh my gosh is it good! It's well written and very different unlike other fictional romantic novels (well... its at least less graphic... don't ask how I know, just trust me...). The story is a revamping of the biblical story of Hosea and his wife Gomer the prostitute except this time instead of being set in biblical times, its set during the mid 1800s during the Gold Rush in California and Gomer was a prostitute who was forced into that world after being raped and trained in that "profession" at the age of 8... and her name is Angel (Amanda/Mandy/Tirzah/Mara...her name kept changing) and Hosea was a farmer named Michael Hosea. I can't tell ya all of it but it will mess with you alot. I know it did me in alot of ways because it was scary to see/hear the thoughts of this girl Angel and her concepts and position on men, God and life and how that's not only how some of my thought life was like but how I still have some of those thoughts running around in my head (so yes, usually the end result was me throwing the book across the room) >.< It was scary to see how those thoughts and concepts were so close to mine and how they were filled with anger and fear and so... misleading. This book really is a good read and I highly recommend it to anyone (especially you ladies)!



Another book that I read (or really listen to) was Joshua Harris' "Boy Meets Girl: Saying Hello to Courtship". Now this book is really, REALLY good... I'm already pretty old fashion as it is (just ask my sister :P ) but I don't mind it. This book really helped me to understand how we have completely disregarded and negated the purpose and practice of courtship and have let dating take the helm of it all. This book really does help you purposefully and prayerfully consider significant others in your life. Harris talks about many different areas in which one can examine and learn more about their significant other without finding it out the wrong way or finding out too late and he always shows how one can bring it back to God being the center of it all! Such a great read... highly recommend this one too! ;)



So again (in case you haven't caught on already) God and I are still walking through and learning more about loving Him, loving others and loving myself. Right now, I have been facing some fears about really letting go, letting the defenses down and just trusting and loving wholeheartedly with friends and family and I can already see and understand why he's doing this. This past week the book of 1st John kept popping up to me and so I thought I should sit down and take a read through it. So I did... and of course I got hung up on chapter 4 where it talks about God being love. Now to some of us that's basic and not that big of a deal. Thing is for the past like 5 months this is how I've been getting to know God. So of course I'm going to dissect this passage to the best of my ability (forgive me you biblical scholars out there but I am not a pro... only a pastor's kid trying to understand this better). So, again, main verse that pops out to all of us is 1 John 4:18 - "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." That last part of the verse really got me asking God some questions: "So... without fear, would I be perfected in love?" "God, what does it mean and look like to be perfected in love? Does that mean all those past hurts, pains, sins... could I actually finally be able to let them go and forgive myself and have no fear when I step into a new relationship?" That last part... "perfected in love" I've also felt has something to really do with redemption as well. I'm beginning to start to dig deeper and see so hopefully I'll have something to tell you next week! ;)

Well that's it for now! Just a quick prayer request: I need some prayer... well I'm thinking about changing my major and I just really need some clarity on if this really is what God wants or if its just me. Thanks... I'd appreciate it! Love y'all and Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey there guys! Hope everything is going well for ya! So much has happened and is going on for me and for many others in school right now so a quick prayer for all those in this would be quite appreciated...

Yep! That's right... I'm finished with midterms and I'm halfway through my first semester here at TFC. I have to say I wasn't expecting things to be so crazy here at this time but it has gotten that way! I've been stressed out with all these exams and studying and trying to keep my GPA up and everything... I'm exhausted! And not only that, I've seen alot of people going through alot of other crazy things happening in their lives(physical ailments, family drama and issues, deaths, etc.)Right now all I know is that with everything that has been happening for everyone (including myself), this break coming up is very much needed so people can wind down some, chill out and just enjoy life, family and friends... :)



Well my family came up this past weekend to see me and hang out with me! It was so much fun (a little crazy because the kids got to get out of the house and just enjoy fall) and good quality time with the family! I showed them around campus some, took them down to the falls (again, kids loved it) and we later went to Jaemore Farms down the road so the kids could enjoy the corn maze and some attractions there. The adults were enjoying the awesome food (cause you can't go there without getting a fried pie or apple fritter);) My nephew didn't want to leave my side the whole time we were together so I had a mini-photo shoot with him in the pumpkin patch there. I got more pics of the day on my Facebook if you want to check it out. Again, it was great seeing them and enjoying a little family time together... :)




So earlier this week a dear friend of mine asked me why I thought God was showing me all the stuff he has been showing me recently. Not fully able to give an answer except for "Something that's about to happen", I began reading through all of my blogs and some of my recent journal entries because sometimes it can show you. You see this summer I took it to God that I was upset and in fact at times down right jealous of people who could understand him as a lover of their soul. I, myself, never understood that; I always saw him as nothing else but a father who cared and provided for me. I'm beginning to see now that God has been helping me to see him not only as my true and devoted lover but he's been showing me the kind of things I myself needed to develop so that our relationship could work in that sense. But I'm also seeing that my original answer wasn't far off either... these things that I've been learning and understanding can be applied to alot of relationships I have with various people. But more so, I do believe that a time is soon coming in which I will be applying these things in a more intimate relationship with someone... so right now I'm keeping myself open to what God has to show me and what he expects of me. :)



Well... where to start with this area. Fear is something that unfortunately we all possess since we are humans. This past week, however, I have had quite a few encounters with people and with God who were really starting to call this out of me. Last week here at TFC, we had Jason Ostrander, the Christian and Missionary Alliance's Director for Youth Ministries, come in and speak to us and with him was a friend of his, Dave Powers. Now I've heard Jason speak before so I was super pumped about him talking and of course, God showed up through him and did in fact start showing me how these pieces were fitting together. However, it was Dave who really did it for me. Dave Powers does basically quiet time music in which he plays worship music that alot of people know but what he also does is while he's playing music he'll speak scripture based on a certain topic. That night, he told us that he felt God was telling him to step away from what he originally had planned for us and to address the topic that God had for us that night: fear. So for 45 minutes, as I sat in the fourth row from the stage I listened and almost cried my eyes out as my heart was being cracked open and the poisonous weed of fear was being exposed to me and to God. In that instance I knew that before anything else was to happen in my life when it came to school, family, relationships, etc I had to address this issue of fear in my life.
So as I began doing this I happened to look at my old college ministry's podcast and saw that they had started a new series called... Fearless. "Oh... this can't be just coincidence ..." I thought as I clicked on the first podcast and listened to it... and it wasn't. My old college minister Miles began to show and explain some important things about fear being in the lives of people and how we all have some kind of fear in our lives (snakes, heights, clowns, etc... you name it!) but that when it comes down to it, something is only consider a legitimate fear if it possesses two things: if its eminent (closer) and if its potent (powerful). So there are some things that do possess both of these so they can be considered legitimate fears (poisonous snakes, being up very high and the possibility of falling) but not all of these fears are legitimate (clowns aren't usually but if they for any reason display the characteristics of Tim Curry in the movie "IT"... RUN!). The main point to all of this was really something pretty significant: when we let fear dictate how we live, respond, grow, relate, etc it has become the god of our heart and lives and has gotten you - through worry, anxiety, stress, etc - to make decisions of the kind of person you are going to be and take directions in your life. Miles put it this way, "Happiness and fear cannot dwell in the same heart... If you allow fear to control your life and guide your actions, you become a coward...you can have fear and not be a coward but as soon as you allow fear to guide you, you go into the realm of cowardice." O.o; So the question is raised: is the old saying true, that there is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually... no because there is something more eminent and potent than fear could ever be: God. If God has the ability and power to create the universe, to destroy nations, to raise the dead and to calm storms... why don't we revere him more than fear? Why are we letting fear take God's throne in our hearts when there is no way in heaven or on earth that it has the right, ability or power to reside in such a position in our lives and our hearts? We shouldn't... and if we want to do God's will in our lives, we can't let it.
So for me this is my greatest enemy, my "Captain Hook", my "Venom", my "Darth Vader", my "Jaberwocky": to at least confront and take a stance against fear. And I can't help but feel encouraged in some way... when I do this (and trust me, I will), what little battles will I be able to overcome by doing this; what little victories will I obtain just by addressing the enemy instead of turning tale and run? Kinda makes ya wonder... :)

Well that's it for now... sorry again for being long but I hope y'all liked it! Take care and I'll see ya soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well! I know I've gone through alot (so this might be long) so lets get to the nitty-gritty shall we? ;)

Well... midterms have come to Toccoa Falls College. Its really hard because I have never really had to take midterms before so I've gotten somewhat stressed out. Its just alot at once; some of the midterms aren't that bad because they are just regular tests... so no big! However, some of these exams are NO JOKE! Like today, I had to take a Hermeneutics test today... took me TWO HOURS TO DO!! Some of these exams require me to have to review 30-50 pages of material in order to prepare for the test! XS Its ridiculous! Right now I just need some prayers in not getting too overwhelmed... trust me, me getting overwhelmed is NOT a pretty thing... >.<



So this past weekend I went on a prayer retreat and let me tell ya... I NEEDED IT!! XD Absolutely a wonderful Sabbath for me; I didn't do anything with school and I didn't worry about a dang thang! :) Now... where to start... well the first night after worshiping together, the girls and guys were split up and we started into our groups with our guest speakers. The lady who led it (I can't remember her name) but she was pretty good. She talked about the loads that we girls carry around and how they burden us - Past guilt, Poor self-image, Anger, Dishonesty, Comparison, Unforgiveness and Worry. She told alot of amazing stories and made some great points but it was her message the next day that really got me more - The sacrifice of praise. Boiling down all that she said, with everything that goes on in our world, praising God isn't easy so the very act seems to be so laborious or even disgruntling. But the thing we don't really realize is why we are called to praise God; not just for him to receive glory but more so that the very act of praise is a direct act of obedience to God. Yes its hard to praise and everything but it wouldn't be called a SACRIFICE of praise if it wasn't hard to find! Its not just about it being a reaction to good things happening to us, its not about us having to or us feeling obligated. Its about us willingly doing it, us choosing to doing it even when things aren't going well and the pain of life, relationships, etc is still there. That's why through out the psalms you see David saying "I will praise you", "I will exalt you", "I will...". He was choosing to praise God whether he was in his palace and living in paradise or whether he was on the run from his half crazed father in law camping out in caves or dodging his egotistical son. The circumstances didn't decide for him when to praise God. He chose when to do it... out of obedience to God.
During that same day, I was given five hours of solitude in which I was to use it to just get closer to God. Well I knew I also had a requirement for my spiritual formations class to do this solitude and work through some stuff in this spiritual profile I took for the class... so I used that time for it. I chose 5 issues and worked through them. First of all lets just say its a good thing it was just me and God cause.... it got rough. I worked through a couple of different things (mind I'm still in process and haven't overcome them all) but it was good. When I really boil it down, it comes to these things: Trusting, Anxiety, Frustration, Instability and Distance. Now I know you saw trusting and thought "But I thought she worked through that already?" And yes, I have but that doesn't mean I've conquered it. Yeah, I'm learning to trust people more but that doesn't mean that I've fixed my concept of trust when it comes to God. As much as I may/may not trust people is a reflection of my trust in God... see what I mean in fixing that concept? I've learned so many new truths about him now that its time for that part of our relationship to get revamped and totally overhauled! Now when it comes to anxiety and frustration... those I'm still working out and hopefully I'll have something to report on those later. :)



Now one of the big topics that really surprised me and I didn't even think or really know that it was affecting me and God's relationship was that of instability. I really didn't think much about it because I really chalked it up to me moving around so much and not living in a place for too long that I developed certain concepts (like my trusting issues, keeping people at arm's length, not developing relationships, etc.). But it was really when God brought one particular dream/desire to mind that I could see what he really wanted. You see, I've always wanted to find a place to settle down in and no longer be a wanderer in this world, to find a place where I'm wanted, accepted and even loved - like I did when I was growing up in Newnan, Ga when it was still a small town. Unfortunately because of all the moving around and with life coming at me and my family the way it has over the years, I don't feel I belong anywhere - not even in my own parents' home - and I still don't (no offense mom and dad). All I want to do is find that place - find MY home - and do everything to get there and finally... rest. Yes, rest because in all honestly, that's all I have felt like I've been doing; that I fight every day just to survive this thing we call life and not just because I make it out alive... but because I want to find where I belong, to find my home where I find people who are there for me and people who are willing to help me in this uneven fight. Maybe even find an incredible man of God who is willing to help me fight, who is willing to "put up his dukes" even though he knows how strong of a fighter I am... all because he loves me. Anywho, I didn't realize how BIG of an issue this was until God showed it to me. I asked God "Will I ever have that? A place where I belong, a place called home?" And he told me, "Jeanne, the thing is because of you accepting the instability of this world, it has leaked into your own image and perception of me. You think I'm a fickle god who will promise one thing but then punish the blazes out of you if you do something right. You know, you KNOW I'm not like that..." "I know, God. And I am so sorry. I know it in my head... please start getting me to know it in my heart." and I just cried. "Start finding in me where you belong and the rest will come..."

So yeah... that's where I'm at right now. I'm really trying to apply these things and learn more as life goes on. Thanks for reading... hey, if you made it to the end of this blog then you deserve a cookie and a pat on the back! LOL!;D Love ya guys and I hope to hear/see ya soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey there guys! Sorry its been a while... busy, busy, busy! But luckily now I have time to chill and tell you what's going on...

Well fall is beginning up here in Toccoa Falls. The weather is cooling down (finally... praise God... Halleluer-lil' Madea there for some of y'all ;) ), leaves are starting to change color and the desire to curl up under the covers with a warm drink is starting to become more of a reality. I know that during this time for me the thing I enjoy the most is being here in the mountains and seeing God's beauty unfolding around me as well as going up to Helen, GA, having day trips there and enjoying the town, food and activities there with my closest friends! Hopefully I'll be able to do that soon... :)



Well there are alot of things that recently are happening to me that have caused me to feel like I'm finally growing up and becoming a mature adult. First of all, I'm well into college and now that I know what I want to do with my life, I've locked it into place and I'm passionately pursuing it! Also, within the next week or two I'm finally going to have a car after being without one for almost three years! THANK GOD!!! :D Now I can actually get out more but more importantly be able to find a job and begin furthering my experience in teaching, ministering, etc! I know it probably doesn't seem that big a deal for some but when it comes to me, for years I felt like I couldn't or haven't been able to grow past a certain point due to alot of things holding me back whether it was outside forces or inside ones. For the first time really ever, I feel like I'm stepping out and taking risks in growing and learning about me, life but also I'm walking the path that God has for me. Yeah its a bit scary and might even get hurt but really... its just the beginning of the great adventure God has for me and I can't wait!




So... in case you haven't noticed yet, God's been teaching me alot of things about myself and my life. These past few months he's been doing a number on me when it comes to having trust and faith in others and also learning what it means to love (not just others but myself and him) and the real importance of relationships. Through out all of this, I kept asking, "Why God? Why all this stuff? Why are you teaching me this stuff? I know they've been issues in my life but why are you wanting me to learn and fix them now?" I think I'm seeing more so than ever the main lesson he's been teaching me as well as another small lesson he's teaching me. The main one? Obedience during confusion. Oswald Chambers said it best in his book "My Utmost For His Highest": "There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you...Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular thing you are asking of Him right now." With everything that is going on, I can only guess why God is doing it but that still doesn't mean its for sure. Until I know for sure, I have to live day in and day out in obedience to him and what his spirit tells me to do.
Now when it comes to the small lesson: Living wholeheartedly. See, I thought I had been doing this but after some discussions with some of my friends I realize now I haven't. I've been trying to keep certain areas of my heart separate from the rest of it so I don't get hurt; I've been building up walls around one particular section of my heart in order for it to be as little scathed as possible. Unfortunately because of that, it has ruined my heart and kept me from truly loving. That's not how we are called and are suppose to live life like God wants us to... we can't truly love others if its only with a part of our heart. It has to be the whole thing; it has to be all of it, fully and completely open and vulnerable to getting hurt or nothing at all. Some of you know me: I like to be prepared, I like to be on the defense and prepare to fight back if necessary in order to survive and do it with as little damage to myself as possible. Thing is no one walks away from life and more some from loving others, truly loving others, unscathed. God loves us that much that he actually makes his heart that vulnerable and we break it time and again with our sin and defiance. But why? Why does he do that? Because that feeling of choosing to love him is unlike any other kind of paradise, any other kind of happiness, any other kind of being accepted and trusted that we could possibly fathom. I guess the question is now am I willing to become that utterly vulnerable, am I willing to let my heart be that open that there is no doubt it will at times be broken and hurt whether it was done intentionally or not by those closest to me, closest to my heart? And I say yes, it is... its worth it, it absolutely is worth it! Its worth me loving others that wholeheartedly if that is what God has called me to do, its how I show his love to others and how I can help them grow in him... I love them and I love God that much! :)

Well, that's it for now! Thanks for reading... now I have to get back onto my homework and all! Take it easy! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well for everyone! Well lets get to it, shall we? ;)

Well... thankfully, I'm not like the guy above anymore! Things are going pretty well when it comes to school! I've taken a couple of my tests already and turned in a couple of papers already and I seem to be adjusting to things here at Toccoa Falls. I see what the expectations and requirements are here for students and all. I'm really enjoying my time here: I'm being challenged in ways I hadn't in such a long time academically, mentally and even spiritually! Not only that, I've begun to actually challenge myself and get out with people, meeting them and developing new friendships and relationships! Hey I even procrastinated and went to a Braves game with my best friend Rich and some friends of his in Atlanta this past weekend! It was great! :D



I would however, like to ask you guys to be in prayer for an old friend of mine. Her name is Cassie and she, my sister and I were close friends and that was something big for me especially since I lived in Colorado and didn't have really any friends at all. Last I heard of her, she was married and had two beautiful baby boys. This past week I was contacted by her family and told some devastating news: unfortunately, she got in trouble with the law and was arrested due to being a part of a Meth drug ring out of Mexico. Right now, Cassie is still being processed for where they will put her in prison since it was her first offense, her children are in the care of her parents and she is hoping that this situation will help her get clean and back on the right track in life. Please be in prayer for her and her family right now, especially her two little boys. I know it has to be scary and heartbreaking for all involved... I just hope and pray God's will to be done and his love, peace and grace be upon all in this situation.



Well... God is doing quite a number on me still when it comes to love and relationships and the like. Right now, one thing in particular that I'm beginning to be challenged in is something a very wise "mentor", you could say, was talking to me about this a day or so ago. I was telling her how there are lot of times with people I only allow so much of myself to be exposed and to be close to others. Over the years of moving from place to place, I'm not use to having friendships/relationships lasting very long so I only share so much of myself and then I build up walls around my heart (I've also realized that I do this alot with guy friends too). Its nothing personal its just... I'm use to be being disappointed in people because... well they're people (and yes, I'm sure I've done it too to people but that's beside the point right now...) and so I build up defenses and just wait for the shoe to drop because... well it always does especially when it gets to a certain point in a relationship. "Its crazy... especially when there is someone so incredible who is a Godly person, who encourages me, sees the things in me I can't see and shows it to me and just by being my friend challenges me to be a better friend and Christian." "Why? Why is that weird?" She inquired. "Because I feel like I don't deserve them... yet I want them in my life!" She looked me dead in the eye said, "Kinda like God and us. We didn't do anything to deserve redemption or Christ... but God wanted that for us because he loves us that much. What makes you think that because you don't deserve something so great, something that is the best of its kind that God doesn't want that for you? If its the best of the best that God could possibly have for you in your life, why not accept it? The writing is on the wall and you're covering your eyes..." My friend shook her head at me, leaned back and said, "Jeanne, I want you to think of person right now in your life who is close and dear to you; not a family member but a friend..." So I did and as soon as I thought of them, she asked "Y'all pretty honest with each other?" "Absolutely!" "Do you trust that person?" (If you know me and/or have read my blogs from earlier this summer about having faith and trust in others, you'll know how big of a deal this is) "Well... yes, I do. I trust them more than I have ever trusted someone before." "Well have they done anything to make you harbor even a shred of doubt against them?" she inquired. "No... no they haven't." "Then why the need for a defense when there is nothing for you to defend against? Stop trying to 'fight' against what's to come next in the relationship and 'fight' against the walls that you are starting to build or else they will leave you." ((O.O)) It was like something clicked in my heart, mind and soul all at the same time... I saw why I wasn't developing relationships properly. I wasn't giving anyone the chance to get so close to me... and I realize now... if I don't, how are people to experience God and his love if they can't get to my heart where he dwells? All I know is that this is going to be an interesting process and "fight" to come... ;)

Well that's it for now... thanks for reading (sorry it was kinda long!) Hope y'all have a great one and I'll see ya around! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well for ya... taking a break right now from all the studying, paper writing and reading so thanks for being my escape... :)

Well... as they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words", the above pic shows I'm pretty overwhelmed. All the assignments, tests, papers and such are all coming at me super fast and I'm not use to this level of academics yet. Seriously, I said it last time and I'll say it again, this is a whole different ballgame now for me. I thought I would survive college pretty well but now I'm doubting some... I literally feel like I'm about to drown here in a bit. Thankfully I have some friends who I've been able to hang out with and get away with and just enjoy life with! Thanks guys... :) I've also been going through and becoming okay with the fact that even though I have a desire for missions and all, it may be that I not return to the mission field for a long time, if ever. That now my mission field is outside the church doors, in the classroom and public school system where I'll be teaching later on and wherever else God wants me to minister in my culture. So, we'll see... :)



Well, the next two sections are going to be pretty close in topic so bear with me. Right now… God is really putting me through the ringer when it comes to the topic of love like he never has before. After learning some pretty intense stuff last week with being content with my loneliness (if you don’t know, pause here and go check out my last blog), I’ve kept pursuing God and keeping him in the center of all this area of my life. Honestly, to me, its somewhat still a thorn in my side, as the Apostle Paul would say. I’ve told quite a few different people about what I’ve experienced and one of them, a very wise older lady in my life – kind of a mentor for me you could say – asked me about my past and present relationships with guys. After a quick cry session reliving through some heartaches, I proceeded to tell her that besides the fact that no guys have tried to ask me out, I just wanted to focus on me and try and fix me before I ever got into a serious relationship with anyone. “Is that your only reason why you aren’t in a relationship?” she asked. “Well… yeah…” I replied. What she said next literally blindsided me, “If that’s the only reason, sweetie, then you’ll never be in a relationship.” ((,O.O,)) “Wait… does that I mean I’m ready for one then?” “I don’t see why not, honey…” Confused, huh? Yeah… me too! Here I was learning to be content and staying in this process of thinking that something was wrong with me that I needed to fix. Truth is, if all you do is focus on trying to fix one area of thinking/behaving or whatever else in order to fix other areas, you’ll never be fixed. You figure these things out as you go along and with someone else there, you get even more help in fixing it! Love and loving others (whether as friends or more) is risky but when it’s true, selfless, honest and most importantly God-ordained and God-center, it’s worth it. A good deal of my life I was taught or encourage to take control and as time went on I began to become somewhat of a control freak. Risking is something I’m not use to doing and now with all this… I have to learn to become comfortable in the uneasiness. I know now I’m not really brave, I really don’t have courage, I don’t have control. What I’ve realized is I can’t compartmentalize my life especially when it comes to love. True love and truly loving others can’t be categorized and place in a box in a certain section of my mind/heart/soul. Love is the one thing that flows freely in and out of all those areas and what binds them together to make somebody them. I was talking to my mom about this and she told me about love being risky as well as that I’ve got to live life, risk and yeah I might make mistakes but as long as I learn from them, I would have lived life and loved like I had never before. Friends and those who are more than that won't have to come up with some reason to call you, come hang out/see you - they'll just come, just because they love you. I realize now that I’m ready… and now it’s all about patience and loving others selflessly.



Well this section is pretty close to the last one but it's different enough. God has begun to show me how this is the one area of my life I've been pretty selfish in. He's been showing me that being in a relationship isn't about me, its about the other person and if I start right into it with that being my main reason I'm getting into it, to feel loved, then its already doomed. Regardless whether its friendship or something more, if it isn't about the other person then it isn't true, there was some other ulterior motive. There have been some friendships and other relationships I've gotten into for other reasons than truly loving them and so guys I want to ask for your forgiveness. I ask that you would show me the grace and mercy I know I don't deserve and forgive me for having other motives behind being a friend or whatever else to you. I'm sorry... I made these relationships about me and not so much about you. I used the feelings that I have felt to benefit me and not use them to learn how to love and show love to others. I'm now learning, thanks to God, how to truly love: by serving others limitless. I've started writing something on my wrist to remind me to do this: "Serve them, not me." Again, I haven't been a true sister in Christ to you and I beg for y'all's forgiveness for that. I am truly and deeply sorry... :*(

I want to end this blog with 2 Corinthians 12:2-6 where right now, I kinda feel like Paul and God, he's being himself:

"I will boast, but about myself I will not boast, except about my weaknesses. Although if I should wish to boast, I would not be foolish, for I would be telling the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me because of the abundance of the revelations. Therefore, that I might not become too elated,a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Its not about me... its about God being glorified. Love you guys... later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well for ya! Things have started getting a bit rough but I can honestly say that without God and some awesome friends (old and new), things could be alot worse... :)

So... yeah first week of school is done with and I'm heading into my second week! Now that I've been to all my classes and have met all my professor and such, I can honestly say I feel a bit overwhelmed. I'm only taking 16 hours but the requirements for the classes I'm taking (Hermeneutics, Cultural Anthropology, Life & Revelation of Christ, etc.) is a whole other realm of "schoolwork" I've never experienced. I will SERIOUSLY be surprised if I have a 4.0 by the end of this semester... :S But like I said above, with God and the amazing friends that I have here at school (and elsewhere), I know I'm going to be just fine! :)



Well for the past week a couple of verses have kept popping up at me and what's crazy? They both talk about the same thing! Matthew 22:34-40 and John 15:9-17 both talk about not only loving and abiding in God but how that is so closely tied to loving others how you would want to be loved. Take a look:

"Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." ~Matthew 22:34-40

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."~John 15:9-17

After reading these verses, I really started thinking and focusing on not only what it means to love God with all my heart, soul and mind (biblical scholars call this the "Shema") and to love others like I love myself (what we call the "Golden Rule") but also how by doing these things show me how I'm abiding in God and his love for me! I really can't help but notice how one, if not the holiest, of the decrees that God gave to his people long ago when he was beginning to give them a new life combined this with one of the most simple and most moral of all rules that have existed on earth. These verses show one of many ways how Christ came to bridge the gap between heaven and earth and more importantly between God and his children. :)



So... yeah this area was one of my hard ones. Some of you have heard me talk a bit about love and the like in these blogs but I have never had to deal with something so painful these past couple of days than what I'm about to tell you. But in this pain God spoke to me more and helped me to begin to see him in a light I've never seen him in before. Earlier the other day I had posted something on Facebook (Isn't that how it always starts?) and had a few "friends" (better term would be acquaintance) respond to it by sending me personal messages/IMing me on Facebook, all of them disheartening and flat out sucker punches! One of these girls said "Wait... you don't have a man? What's wrong with you?" Another girl also messaged me saying something along the lines of "Oh you aren't with someone? I feel sorry for you..." And the final girl was the real kicker: "Well that's nobody's fault but your own. If you wouldn't hole yourself up in a room and have your nose in books all the time, you'd probably have someone by now..." ((O.o;)) X-/ Okay, my first response to this was... SERIOUSLY?!?!? Not going to lie, I was hurt... very badly. I know that they didn't mean to come off harsh or rude but... seriously? I don't need it to be rubbed in, don't need a pity party and I don't need a lecture! *Venting session over*

Now, after all this I went to bed and had a really bad night's rest and woke up still weighed down by this. These negative thoughts were already in my head and now there were people saying it to me, to my face (well, virtually that is). I walked around alot today in solace prayer, focusing alot on Song of Songs 8:4 (Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires), asking God to help me. I kept taking these feelings and my wish/desire to be in a relationship back to him and putting it on his alter so that I could get God to be center again. I eventually ended up at Chapel today where an organization called Broken Voices came and spoke about their theme for the year, "Center". The guy who spoke talked about how if we don't have God in the center of our lives, we will be off-centered and weighed down with things that will burden us to death! With God being the center, you are completely liberated and free and with him at the center you will see the world being off-centered and long to bring it back into the alignment it was meant to be! So he asked, "What is it that is the center of your life?" As I thought about it, God was my center but there were many things (like the wish/desire to be with someone) that was getting too close to being the center of my life. Later, as I reviewed and thought more about what the guy had said, I suddenly realized something I hadn't in years and years: Christ was the only man who was willing to die for me! Because he was in love with me that much. God loved me so much that he turned himself into a human (far below who he truly is) in order to die for me and that the love that was displayed was undoubtedly true love and the love that was sacrificed was eternal so when he was raised from the dead, so this love became everlasting for all. It couldn't be a human love because then that love wouldn't be God's true love; it would be fickle, ever changing and subjective. :*) And slowly but surely God began to speak to me and my heart telling me how much he loved me and how he wanted to be so close to me! For the first time ever in my life, I was beginning to understand and look at God how I always wanted to and longed to: The lover of my soul... I couldn't help but walk around the rest of the day with a huge smile on my face and skip in my step! :D Yes, that wish is still there but its not so dominating in my life! Its so... well, liberating... :)

Well that's it for now... sorry if this was pretty long but I thought you guys would like to know. Now its time for me to get back to my homework and the likes... love y'all! Later days!

~Jeanne ;)

PS-Btw, got a phone! Email me if you want my number... :)