Hey there guys! Hope y'all are all doing well... lots of fun things have happened and I thought I'd share some of it with you...

So yeah, I was able to have a really awesome fall break and even got to escape from the college for a couple of the days thanks to my incredible friend Rich and just had a blast (learned how to put together and shoot a paintball gun :D )! Unfortunately however, all good things must come to end and so today I returned to the hustle and bustle of school and literally felt like I was hitting the ground running. This next week or so I'm going to be spitting out papers and projects left and right so hopefully I won't be too overwhelmed and busy to make time for my family and friends! Hopefully... ^.^;




Yes... during this time off, I was able to get some free time to finally read some books. One of the books that I was able to read was by Francine Rivers called Redeeming Love. Now, I've heard of it and never picked it up until now. Finished this like 600 page book in two days and oh my gosh is it good! It's well written and very different unlike other fictional romantic novels (well... its at least less graphic... don't ask how I know, just trust me...). The story is a revamping of the biblical story of Hosea and his wife Gomer the prostitute except this time instead of being set in biblical times, its set during the mid 1800s during the Gold Rush in California and Gomer was a prostitute who was forced into that world after being raped and trained in that "profession" at the age of 8... and her name is Angel (Amanda/Mandy/Tirzah/Mara...her name kept changing) and Hosea was a farmer named Michael Hosea. I can't tell ya all of it but it will mess with you alot. I know it did me in alot of ways because it was scary to see/hear the thoughts of this girl Angel and her concepts and position on men, God and life and how that's not only how some of my thought life was like but how I still have some of those thoughts running around in my head (so yes, usually the end result was me throwing the book across the room) >.< It was scary to see how those thoughts and concepts were so close to mine and how they were filled with anger and fear and so... misleading. This book really is a good read and I highly recommend it to anyone (especially you ladies)!



Another book that I read (or really listen to) was Joshua Harris' "Boy Meets Girl: Saying Hello to Courtship". Now this book is really, REALLY good... I'm already pretty old fashion as it is (just ask my sister :P ) but I don't mind it. This book really helped me to understand how we have completely disregarded and negated the purpose and practice of courtship and have let dating take the helm of it all. This book really does help you purposefully and prayerfully consider significant others in your life. Harris talks about many different areas in which one can examine and learn more about their significant other without finding it out the wrong way or finding out too late and he always shows how one can bring it back to God being the center of it all! Such a great read... highly recommend this one too! ;)



So again (in case you haven't caught on already) God and I are still walking through and learning more about loving Him, loving others and loving myself. Right now, I have been facing some fears about really letting go, letting the defenses down and just trusting and loving wholeheartedly with friends and family and I can already see and understand why he's doing this. This past week the book of 1st John kept popping up to me and so I thought I should sit down and take a read through it. So I did... and of course I got hung up on chapter 4 where it talks about God being love. Now to some of us that's basic and not that big of a deal. Thing is for the past like 5 months this is how I've been getting to know God. So of course I'm going to dissect this passage to the best of my ability (forgive me you biblical scholars out there but I am not a pro... only a pastor's kid trying to understand this better). So, again, main verse that pops out to all of us is 1 John 4:18 - "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." That last part of the verse really got me asking God some questions: "So... without fear, would I be perfected in love?" "God, what does it mean and look like to be perfected in love? Does that mean all those past hurts, pains, sins... could I actually finally be able to let them go and forgive myself and have no fear when I step into a new relationship?" That last part... "perfected in love" I've also felt has something to really do with redemption as well. I'm beginning to start to dig deeper and see so hopefully I'll have something to tell you next week! ;)

Well that's it for now! Just a quick prayer request: I need some prayer... well I'm thinking about changing my major and I just really need some clarity on if this really is what God wants or if its just me. Thanks... I'd appreciate it! Love y'all and Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey there guys! Hope everything is going well for ya! So much has happened and is going on for me and for many others in school right now so a quick prayer for all those in this would be quite appreciated...

Yep! That's right... I'm finished with midterms and I'm halfway through my first semester here at TFC. I have to say I wasn't expecting things to be so crazy here at this time but it has gotten that way! I've been stressed out with all these exams and studying and trying to keep my GPA up and everything... I'm exhausted! And not only that, I've seen alot of people going through alot of other crazy things happening in their lives(physical ailments, family drama and issues, deaths, etc.)Right now all I know is that with everything that has been happening for everyone (including myself), this break coming up is very much needed so people can wind down some, chill out and just enjoy life, family and friends... :)



Well my family came up this past weekend to see me and hang out with me! It was so much fun (a little crazy because the kids got to get out of the house and just enjoy fall) and good quality time with the family! I showed them around campus some, took them down to the falls (again, kids loved it) and we later went to Jaemore Farms down the road so the kids could enjoy the corn maze and some attractions there. The adults were enjoying the awesome food (cause you can't go there without getting a fried pie or apple fritter);) My nephew didn't want to leave my side the whole time we were together so I had a mini-photo shoot with him in the pumpkin patch there. I got more pics of the day on my Facebook if you want to check it out. Again, it was great seeing them and enjoying a little family time together... :)




So earlier this week a dear friend of mine asked me why I thought God was showing me all the stuff he has been showing me recently. Not fully able to give an answer except for "Something that's about to happen", I began reading through all of my blogs and some of my recent journal entries because sometimes it can show you. You see this summer I took it to God that I was upset and in fact at times down right jealous of people who could understand him as a lover of their soul. I, myself, never understood that; I always saw him as nothing else but a father who cared and provided for me. I'm beginning to see now that God has been helping me to see him not only as my true and devoted lover but he's been showing me the kind of things I myself needed to develop so that our relationship could work in that sense. But I'm also seeing that my original answer wasn't far off either... these things that I've been learning and understanding can be applied to alot of relationships I have with various people. But more so, I do believe that a time is soon coming in which I will be applying these things in a more intimate relationship with someone... so right now I'm keeping myself open to what God has to show me and what he expects of me. :)



Well... where to start with this area. Fear is something that unfortunately we all possess since we are humans. This past week, however, I have had quite a few encounters with people and with God who were really starting to call this out of me. Last week here at TFC, we had Jason Ostrander, the Christian and Missionary Alliance's Director for Youth Ministries, come in and speak to us and with him was a friend of his, Dave Powers. Now I've heard Jason speak before so I was super pumped about him talking and of course, God showed up through him and did in fact start showing me how these pieces were fitting together. However, it was Dave who really did it for me. Dave Powers does basically quiet time music in which he plays worship music that alot of people know but what he also does is while he's playing music he'll speak scripture based on a certain topic. That night, he told us that he felt God was telling him to step away from what he originally had planned for us and to address the topic that God had for us that night: fear. So for 45 minutes, as I sat in the fourth row from the stage I listened and almost cried my eyes out as my heart was being cracked open and the poisonous weed of fear was being exposed to me and to God. In that instance I knew that before anything else was to happen in my life when it came to school, family, relationships, etc I had to address this issue of fear in my life.
So as I began doing this I happened to look at my old college ministry's podcast and saw that they had started a new series called... Fearless. "Oh... this can't be just coincidence ..." I thought as I clicked on the first podcast and listened to it... and it wasn't. My old college minister Miles began to show and explain some important things about fear being in the lives of people and how we all have some kind of fear in our lives (snakes, heights, clowns, etc... you name it!) but that when it comes down to it, something is only consider a legitimate fear if it possesses two things: if its eminent (closer) and if its potent (powerful). So there are some things that do possess both of these so they can be considered legitimate fears (poisonous snakes, being up very high and the possibility of falling) but not all of these fears are legitimate (clowns aren't usually but if they for any reason display the characteristics of Tim Curry in the movie "IT"... RUN!). The main point to all of this was really something pretty significant: when we let fear dictate how we live, respond, grow, relate, etc it has become the god of our heart and lives and has gotten you - through worry, anxiety, stress, etc - to make decisions of the kind of person you are going to be and take directions in your life. Miles put it this way, "Happiness and fear cannot dwell in the same heart... If you allow fear to control your life and guide your actions, you become a coward...you can have fear and not be a coward but as soon as you allow fear to guide you, you go into the realm of cowardice." O.o; So the question is raised: is the old saying true, that there is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually... no because there is something more eminent and potent than fear could ever be: God. If God has the ability and power to create the universe, to destroy nations, to raise the dead and to calm storms... why don't we revere him more than fear? Why are we letting fear take God's throne in our hearts when there is no way in heaven or on earth that it has the right, ability or power to reside in such a position in our lives and our hearts? We shouldn't... and if we want to do God's will in our lives, we can't let it.
So for me this is my greatest enemy, my "Captain Hook", my "Venom", my "Darth Vader", my "Jaberwocky": to at least confront and take a stance against fear. And I can't help but feel encouraged in some way... when I do this (and trust me, I will), what little battles will I be able to overcome by doing this; what little victories will I obtain just by addressing the enemy instead of turning tale and run? Kinda makes ya wonder... :)

Well that's it for now... sorry again for being long but I hope y'all liked it! Take care and I'll see ya soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well! I know I've gone through alot (so this might be long) so lets get to the nitty-gritty shall we? ;)

Well... midterms have come to Toccoa Falls College. Its really hard because I have never really had to take midterms before so I've gotten somewhat stressed out. Its just alot at once; some of the midterms aren't that bad because they are just regular tests... so no big! However, some of these exams are NO JOKE! Like today, I had to take a Hermeneutics test today... took me TWO HOURS TO DO!! Some of these exams require me to have to review 30-50 pages of material in order to prepare for the test! XS Its ridiculous! Right now I just need some prayers in not getting too overwhelmed... trust me, me getting overwhelmed is NOT a pretty thing... >.<



So this past weekend I went on a prayer retreat and let me tell ya... I NEEDED IT!! XD Absolutely a wonderful Sabbath for me; I didn't do anything with school and I didn't worry about a dang thang! :) Now... where to start... well the first night after worshiping together, the girls and guys were split up and we started into our groups with our guest speakers. The lady who led it (I can't remember her name) but she was pretty good. She talked about the loads that we girls carry around and how they burden us - Past guilt, Poor self-image, Anger, Dishonesty, Comparison, Unforgiveness and Worry. She told alot of amazing stories and made some great points but it was her message the next day that really got me more - The sacrifice of praise. Boiling down all that she said, with everything that goes on in our world, praising God isn't easy so the very act seems to be so laborious or even disgruntling. But the thing we don't really realize is why we are called to praise God; not just for him to receive glory but more so that the very act of praise is a direct act of obedience to God. Yes its hard to praise and everything but it wouldn't be called a SACRIFICE of praise if it wasn't hard to find! Its not just about it being a reaction to good things happening to us, its not about us having to or us feeling obligated. Its about us willingly doing it, us choosing to doing it even when things aren't going well and the pain of life, relationships, etc is still there. That's why through out the psalms you see David saying "I will praise you", "I will exalt you", "I will...". He was choosing to praise God whether he was in his palace and living in paradise or whether he was on the run from his half crazed father in law camping out in caves or dodging his egotistical son. The circumstances didn't decide for him when to praise God. He chose when to do it... out of obedience to God.
During that same day, I was given five hours of solitude in which I was to use it to just get closer to God. Well I knew I also had a requirement for my spiritual formations class to do this solitude and work through some stuff in this spiritual profile I took for the class... so I used that time for it. I chose 5 issues and worked through them. First of all lets just say its a good thing it was just me and God cause.... it got rough. I worked through a couple of different things (mind I'm still in process and haven't overcome them all) but it was good. When I really boil it down, it comes to these things: Trusting, Anxiety, Frustration, Instability and Distance. Now I know you saw trusting and thought "But I thought she worked through that already?" And yes, I have but that doesn't mean I've conquered it. Yeah, I'm learning to trust people more but that doesn't mean that I've fixed my concept of trust when it comes to God. As much as I may/may not trust people is a reflection of my trust in God... see what I mean in fixing that concept? I've learned so many new truths about him now that its time for that part of our relationship to get revamped and totally overhauled! Now when it comes to anxiety and frustration... those I'm still working out and hopefully I'll have something to report on those later. :)



Now one of the big topics that really surprised me and I didn't even think or really know that it was affecting me and God's relationship was that of instability. I really didn't think much about it because I really chalked it up to me moving around so much and not living in a place for too long that I developed certain concepts (like my trusting issues, keeping people at arm's length, not developing relationships, etc.). But it was really when God brought one particular dream/desire to mind that I could see what he really wanted. You see, I've always wanted to find a place to settle down in and no longer be a wanderer in this world, to find a place where I'm wanted, accepted and even loved - like I did when I was growing up in Newnan, Ga when it was still a small town. Unfortunately because of all the moving around and with life coming at me and my family the way it has over the years, I don't feel I belong anywhere - not even in my own parents' home - and I still don't (no offense mom and dad). All I want to do is find that place - find MY home - and do everything to get there and finally... rest. Yes, rest because in all honestly, that's all I have felt like I've been doing; that I fight every day just to survive this thing we call life and not just because I make it out alive... but because I want to find where I belong, to find my home where I find people who are there for me and people who are willing to help me in this uneven fight. Maybe even find an incredible man of God who is willing to help me fight, who is willing to "put up his dukes" even though he knows how strong of a fighter I am... all because he loves me. Anywho, I didn't realize how BIG of an issue this was until God showed it to me. I asked God "Will I ever have that? A place where I belong, a place called home?" And he told me, "Jeanne, the thing is because of you accepting the instability of this world, it has leaked into your own image and perception of me. You think I'm a fickle god who will promise one thing but then punish the blazes out of you if you do something right. You know, you KNOW I'm not like that..." "I know, God. And I am so sorry. I know it in my head... please start getting me to know it in my heart." and I just cried. "Start finding in me where you belong and the rest will come..."

So yeah... that's where I'm at right now. I'm really trying to apply these things and learn more as life goes on. Thanks for reading... hey, if you made it to the end of this blog then you deserve a cookie and a pat on the back! LOL!;D Love ya guys and I hope to hear/see ya soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)