Its so funny how kids can say and do the most random of things and yet they'll say or do one thing and BAM! Its a God word to you... so it happened to me this morning...

My 2 year old nephew Jarrett was playing with his big sister Layla. They were chasing each other around and then the both of them found their 10 year old uncle's lightsabers. So of course they play and run around some more and then suddenly Jarrett runs to me, holding his lightsaber close to him and yelling at his sister, "No Layla! No hit my lightsaber!" I laughed and told him, "Jarrett that's what you're suppose to do with a ligthsaber." But he wouldn't listen as he stood in the far corner of the room, cradling the fictional weapon as if it were a living thing all its own. He didn't want a dent on it, a scratch, a chance for it to be damaged or ruined in any way shape or form.

Suddenly I thought about Anakin or Obi-Wan Kanobi doing this with their lightsabers, Aragon doing that with his sword, Anduril or even (for you anime fans out there) Ruroni Kenshin never drawing it and yelling, "HEY! That's my sword! I don't want you causing any damage to it! Its so pretty and shiny and..."

As I chuckled to myself about these random pics running through my mind, I was reminded for some reason instantly about "gifts", "abilities" and "weapons" and not just any kind, mine. And then a voice said loud enough in my heart to catch my attention and stop me in my tracks, "Are you holding back?"

Suddenly stories flashed across my mind of people, in the bible, who withheld...

--Cain not giving the first of his fruits yet his brother Abel did...

--The wicked and lazy servant with only one talent in Jesus' parable...

--Ananias and Sapphira keeping money from the early Church in Acts...

As I sit here and think about certain things and "gifts" I can use against the enemy, I ask myself what about the everyday stuff? What about the gifts and abilities God has given me? Do I withhold those as well: the ability to love even when I have the right not to, the ability to show compassion, mercy and grace even when the world around me tells me not to or if I have a reason to? See this thing isn't just the enemy's fault all in all... its my fault too. By me allowing reasons determine my actions and my feelings instead of allowing the things God has taught me through out the years, I have chosen what I think or really what the world thinks I should do in response to something with holding what should given in God's eyes. And when that happens... God can't be seen because he won't show up.

And of course this is happening at the part of the year it really shouldn't be happening at... CHRISTmas! You know? The time when it should be more about Jesus and not so much about me and because of my split second, me center decisions many people have been the results of my harsh actions and my double edge sword of a tongue, especially those that I hold close and say I love. I pray that God would forgive me and my family would do the same even if they give me reason not to love on them. The love, the grace, the mercy, the kindness... the things that I'm so use to showing them for some reason recently have been left on the shelves in my heart collecting dust and sometimes can't even be found because they're so unrecogizable. My family almost fell apart because of decisions like these once... I can't let the enemy get a foothold in my family anymore! Its time for me not only to dust off the spiritual weapons to fight off the enemy but the gifts that can strengthen the chances and opportunities for God to show up on this earth!

~Jeanne;)

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