Hey there guys! Sorry its been a while... busy, busy, busy! But luckily now I have time to chill and tell you what's going on...

Well fall is beginning up here in Toccoa Falls. The weather is cooling down (finally... praise God... Halleluer-lil' Madea there for some of y'all ;) ), leaves are starting to change color and the desire to curl up under the covers with a warm drink is starting to become more of a reality. I know that during this time for me the thing I enjoy the most is being here in the mountains and seeing God's beauty unfolding around me as well as going up to Helen, GA, having day trips there and enjoying the town, food and activities there with my closest friends! Hopefully I'll be able to do that soon... :)



Well there are alot of things that recently are happening to me that have caused me to feel like I'm finally growing up and becoming a mature adult. First of all, I'm well into college and now that I know what I want to do with my life, I've locked it into place and I'm passionately pursuing it! Also, within the next week or two I'm finally going to have a car after being without one for almost three years! THANK GOD!!! :D Now I can actually get out more but more importantly be able to find a job and begin furthering my experience in teaching, ministering, etc! I know it probably doesn't seem that big a deal for some but when it comes to me, for years I felt like I couldn't or haven't been able to grow past a certain point due to alot of things holding me back whether it was outside forces or inside ones. For the first time really ever, I feel like I'm stepping out and taking risks in growing and learning about me, life but also I'm walking the path that God has for me. Yeah its a bit scary and might even get hurt but really... its just the beginning of the great adventure God has for me and I can't wait!




So... in case you haven't noticed yet, God's been teaching me alot of things about myself and my life. These past few months he's been doing a number on me when it comes to having trust and faith in others and also learning what it means to love (not just others but myself and him) and the real importance of relationships. Through out all of this, I kept asking, "Why God? Why all this stuff? Why are you teaching me this stuff? I know they've been issues in my life but why are you wanting me to learn and fix them now?" I think I'm seeing more so than ever the main lesson he's been teaching me as well as another small lesson he's teaching me. The main one? Obedience during confusion. Oswald Chambers said it best in his book "My Utmost For His Highest": "There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you...Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular thing you are asking of Him right now." With everything that is going on, I can only guess why God is doing it but that still doesn't mean its for sure. Until I know for sure, I have to live day in and day out in obedience to him and what his spirit tells me to do.
Now when it comes to the small lesson: Living wholeheartedly. See, I thought I had been doing this but after some discussions with some of my friends I realize now I haven't. I've been trying to keep certain areas of my heart separate from the rest of it so I don't get hurt; I've been building up walls around one particular section of my heart in order for it to be as little scathed as possible. Unfortunately because of that, it has ruined my heart and kept me from truly loving. That's not how we are called and are suppose to live life like God wants us to... we can't truly love others if its only with a part of our heart. It has to be the whole thing; it has to be all of it, fully and completely open and vulnerable to getting hurt or nothing at all. Some of you know me: I like to be prepared, I like to be on the defense and prepare to fight back if necessary in order to survive and do it with as little damage to myself as possible. Thing is no one walks away from life and more some from loving others, truly loving others, unscathed. God loves us that much that he actually makes his heart that vulnerable and we break it time and again with our sin and defiance. But why? Why does he do that? Because that feeling of choosing to love him is unlike any other kind of paradise, any other kind of happiness, any other kind of being accepted and trusted that we could possibly fathom. I guess the question is now am I willing to become that utterly vulnerable, am I willing to let my heart be that open that there is no doubt it will at times be broken and hurt whether it was done intentionally or not by those closest to me, closest to my heart? And I say yes, it is... its worth it, it absolutely is worth it! Its worth me loving others that wholeheartedly if that is what God has called me to do, its how I show his love to others and how I can help them grow in him... I love them and I love God that much! :)

Well, that's it for now! Thanks for reading... now I have to get back onto my homework and all! Take it easy! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well for everyone! Well lets get to it, shall we? ;)

Well... thankfully, I'm not like the guy above anymore! Things are going pretty well when it comes to school! I've taken a couple of my tests already and turned in a couple of papers already and I seem to be adjusting to things here at Toccoa Falls. I see what the expectations and requirements are here for students and all. I'm really enjoying my time here: I'm being challenged in ways I hadn't in such a long time academically, mentally and even spiritually! Not only that, I've begun to actually challenge myself and get out with people, meeting them and developing new friendships and relationships! Hey I even procrastinated and went to a Braves game with my best friend Rich and some friends of his in Atlanta this past weekend! It was great! :D



I would however, like to ask you guys to be in prayer for an old friend of mine. Her name is Cassie and she, my sister and I were close friends and that was something big for me especially since I lived in Colorado and didn't have really any friends at all. Last I heard of her, she was married and had two beautiful baby boys. This past week I was contacted by her family and told some devastating news: unfortunately, she got in trouble with the law and was arrested due to being a part of a Meth drug ring out of Mexico. Right now, Cassie is still being processed for where they will put her in prison since it was her first offense, her children are in the care of her parents and she is hoping that this situation will help her get clean and back on the right track in life. Please be in prayer for her and her family right now, especially her two little boys. I know it has to be scary and heartbreaking for all involved... I just hope and pray God's will to be done and his love, peace and grace be upon all in this situation.



Well... God is doing quite a number on me still when it comes to love and relationships and the like. Right now, one thing in particular that I'm beginning to be challenged in is something a very wise "mentor", you could say, was talking to me about this a day or so ago. I was telling her how there are lot of times with people I only allow so much of myself to be exposed and to be close to others. Over the years of moving from place to place, I'm not use to having friendships/relationships lasting very long so I only share so much of myself and then I build up walls around my heart (I've also realized that I do this alot with guy friends too). Its nothing personal its just... I'm use to be being disappointed in people because... well they're people (and yes, I'm sure I've done it too to people but that's beside the point right now...) and so I build up defenses and just wait for the shoe to drop because... well it always does especially when it gets to a certain point in a relationship. "Its crazy... especially when there is someone so incredible who is a Godly person, who encourages me, sees the things in me I can't see and shows it to me and just by being my friend challenges me to be a better friend and Christian." "Why? Why is that weird?" She inquired. "Because I feel like I don't deserve them... yet I want them in my life!" She looked me dead in the eye said, "Kinda like God and us. We didn't do anything to deserve redemption or Christ... but God wanted that for us because he loves us that much. What makes you think that because you don't deserve something so great, something that is the best of its kind that God doesn't want that for you? If its the best of the best that God could possibly have for you in your life, why not accept it? The writing is on the wall and you're covering your eyes..." My friend shook her head at me, leaned back and said, "Jeanne, I want you to think of person right now in your life who is close and dear to you; not a family member but a friend..." So I did and as soon as I thought of them, she asked "Y'all pretty honest with each other?" "Absolutely!" "Do you trust that person?" (If you know me and/or have read my blogs from earlier this summer about having faith and trust in others, you'll know how big of a deal this is) "Well... yes, I do. I trust them more than I have ever trusted someone before." "Well have they done anything to make you harbor even a shred of doubt against them?" she inquired. "No... no they haven't." "Then why the need for a defense when there is nothing for you to defend against? Stop trying to 'fight' against what's to come next in the relationship and 'fight' against the walls that you are starting to build or else they will leave you." ((O.O)) It was like something clicked in my heart, mind and soul all at the same time... I saw why I wasn't developing relationships properly. I wasn't giving anyone the chance to get so close to me... and I realize now... if I don't, how are people to experience God and his love if they can't get to my heart where he dwells? All I know is that this is going to be an interesting process and "fight" to come... ;)

Well that's it for now... thanks for reading (sorry it was kinda long!) Hope y'all have a great one and I'll see ya around! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope all is going well for ya... taking a break right now from all the studying, paper writing and reading so thanks for being my escape... :)

Well... as they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words", the above pic shows I'm pretty overwhelmed. All the assignments, tests, papers and such are all coming at me super fast and I'm not use to this level of academics yet. Seriously, I said it last time and I'll say it again, this is a whole different ballgame now for me. I thought I would survive college pretty well but now I'm doubting some... I literally feel like I'm about to drown here in a bit. Thankfully I have some friends who I've been able to hang out with and get away with and just enjoy life with! Thanks guys... :) I've also been going through and becoming okay with the fact that even though I have a desire for missions and all, it may be that I not return to the mission field for a long time, if ever. That now my mission field is outside the church doors, in the classroom and public school system where I'll be teaching later on and wherever else God wants me to minister in my culture. So, we'll see... :)



Well, the next two sections are going to be pretty close in topic so bear with me. Right now… God is really putting me through the ringer when it comes to the topic of love like he never has before. After learning some pretty intense stuff last week with being content with my loneliness (if you don’t know, pause here and go check out my last blog), I’ve kept pursuing God and keeping him in the center of all this area of my life. Honestly, to me, its somewhat still a thorn in my side, as the Apostle Paul would say. I’ve told quite a few different people about what I’ve experienced and one of them, a very wise older lady in my life – kind of a mentor for me you could say – asked me about my past and present relationships with guys. After a quick cry session reliving through some heartaches, I proceeded to tell her that besides the fact that no guys have tried to ask me out, I just wanted to focus on me and try and fix me before I ever got into a serious relationship with anyone. “Is that your only reason why you aren’t in a relationship?” she asked. “Well… yeah…” I replied. What she said next literally blindsided me, “If that’s the only reason, sweetie, then you’ll never be in a relationship.” ((,O.O,)) “Wait… does that I mean I’m ready for one then?” “I don’t see why not, honey…” Confused, huh? Yeah… me too! Here I was learning to be content and staying in this process of thinking that something was wrong with me that I needed to fix. Truth is, if all you do is focus on trying to fix one area of thinking/behaving or whatever else in order to fix other areas, you’ll never be fixed. You figure these things out as you go along and with someone else there, you get even more help in fixing it! Love and loving others (whether as friends or more) is risky but when it’s true, selfless, honest and most importantly God-ordained and God-center, it’s worth it. A good deal of my life I was taught or encourage to take control and as time went on I began to become somewhat of a control freak. Risking is something I’m not use to doing and now with all this… I have to learn to become comfortable in the uneasiness. I know now I’m not really brave, I really don’t have courage, I don’t have control. What I’ve realized is I can’t compartmentalize my life especially when it comes to love. True love and truly loving others can’t be categorized and place in a box in a certain section of my mind/heart/soul. Love is the one thing that flows freely in and out of all those areas and what binds them together to make somebody them. I was talking to my mom about this and she told me about love being risky as well as that I’ve got to live life, risk and yeah I might make mistakes but as long as I learn from them, I would have lived life and loved like I had never before. Friends and those who are more than that won't have to come up with some reason to call you, come hang out/see you - they'll just come, just because they love you. I realize now that I’m ready… and now it’s all about patience and loving others selflessly.



Well this section is pretty close to the last one but it's different enough. God has begun to show me how this is the one area of my life I've been pretty selfish in. He's been showing me that being in a relationship isn't about me, its about the other person and if I start right into it with that being my main reason I'm getting into it, to feel loved, then its already doomed. Regardless whether its friendship or something more, if it isn't about the other person then it isn't true, there was some other ulterior motive. There have been some friendships and other relationships I've gotten into for other reasons than truly loving them and so guys I want to ask for your forgiveness. I ask that you would show me the grace and mercy I know I don't deserve and forgive me for having other motives behind being a friend or whatever else to you. I'm sorry... I made these relationships about me and not so much about you. I used the feelings that I have felt to benefit me and not use them to learn how to love and show love to others. I'm now learning, thanks to God, how to truly love: by serving others limitless. I've started writing something on my wrist to remind me to do this: "Serve them, not me." Again, I haven't been a true sister in Christ to you and I beg for y'all's forgiveness for that. I am truly and deeply sorry... :*(

I want to end this blog with 2 Corinthians 12:2-6 where right now, I kinda feel like Paul and God, he's being himself:

"I will boast, but about myself I will not boast, except about my weaknesses. Although if I should wish to boast, I would not be foolish, for I would be telling the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me because of the abundance of the revelations. Therefore, that I might not become too elated,a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Its not about me... its about God being glorified. Love you guys... later days!

~Jeanne;)