Hey there guys! Sorry its been a while... busy, busy, busy! But luckily now I have time to chill and tell you what's going on...

Well fall is beginning up here in Toccoa Falls. The weather is cooling down (finally... praise God... Halleluer-lil' Madea there for some of y'all ;) ), leaves are starting to change color and the desire to curl up under the covers with a warm drink is starting to become more of a reality. I know that during this time for me the thing I enjoy the most is being here in the mountains and seeing God's beauty unfolding around me as well as going up to Helen, GA, having day trips there and enjoying the town, food and activities there with my closest friends! Hopefully I'll be able to do that soon... :)



Well there are alot of things that recently are happening to me that have caused me to feel like I'm finally growing up and becoming a mature adult. First of all, I'm well into college and now that I know what I want to do with my life, I've locked it into place and I'm passionately pursuing it! Also, within the next week or two I'm finally going to have a car after being without one for almost three years! THANK GOD!!! :D Now I can actually get out more but more importantly be able to find a job and begin furthering my experience in teaching, ministering, etc! I know it probably doesn't seem that big a deal for some but when it comes to me, for years I felt like I couldn't or haven't been able to grow past a certain point due to alot of things holding me back whether it was outside forces or inside ones. For the first time really ever, I feel like I'm stepping out and taking risks in growing and learning about me, life but also I'm walking the path that God has for me. Yeah its a bit scary and might even get hurt but really... its just the beginning of the great adventure God has for me and I can't wait!




So... in case you haven't noticed yet, God's been teaching me alot of things about myself and my life. These past few months he's been doing a number on me when it comes to having trust and faith in others and also learning what it means to love (not just others but myself and him) and the real importance of relationships. Through out all of this, I kept asking, "Why God? Why all this stuff? Why are you teaching me this stuff? I know they've been issues in my life but why are you wanting me to learn and fix them now?" I think I'm seeing more so than ever the main lesson he's been teaching me as well as another small lesson he's teaching me. The main one? Obedience during confusion. Oswald Chambers said it best in his book "My Utmost For His Highest": "There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you...Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular thing you are asking of Him right now." With everything that is going on, I can only guess why God is doing it but that still doesn't mean its for sure. Until I know for sure, I have to live day in and day out in obedience to him and what his spirit tells me to do.
Now when it comes to the small lesson: Living wholeheartedly. See, I thought I had been doing this but after some discussions with some of my friends I realize now I haven't. I've been trying to keep certain areas of my heart separate from the rest of it so I don't get hurt; I've been building up walls around one particular section of my heart in order for it to be as little scathed as possible. Unfortunately because of that, it has ruined my heart and kept me from truly loving. That's not how we are called and are suppose to live life like God wants us to... we can't truly love others if its only with a part of our heart. It has to be the whole thing; it has to be all of it, fully and completely open and vulnerable to getting hurt or nothing at all. Some of you know me: I like to be prepared, I like to be on the defense and prepare to fight back if necessary in order to survive and do it with as little damage to myself as possible. Thing is no one walks away from life and more some from loving others, truly loving others, unscathed. God loves us that much that he actually makes his heart that vulnerable and we break it time and again with our sin and defiance. But why? Why does he do that? Because that feeling of choosing to love him is unlike any other kind of paradise, any other kind of happiness, any other kind of being accepted and trusted that we could possibly fathom. I guess the question is now am I willing to become that utterly vulnerable, am I willing to let my heart be that open that there is no doubt it will at times be broken and hurt whether it was done intentionally or not by those closest to me, closest to my heart? And I say yes, it is... its worth it, it absolutely is worth it! Its worth me loving others that wholeheartedly if that is what God has called me to do, its how I show his love to others and how I can help them grow in him... I love them and I love God that much! :)

Well, that's it for now! Thanks for reading... now I have to get back onto my homework and all! Take it easy! Later days!

~Jeanne;)