Hey guys! Hope all is going well for ya! Just needed to vent a bit and really in all honesty just ask you guys to be in prayer for me right now...

Well first of all, Summer... during this time it should be restful and relaxing time for me (since I'm not taking any classes) but unfortunately its not. I'm one of those people for some reason that, when left in seclusion long enough, I begin to start thinking about the future and start worrying about it. I know I shouldn't and I wish I could just stop worrying but that's the problem: I've never learned how to make myself do that. Trust me I wish I could but for whatever reason... I can't. Trying to take my mind off of it for time does help some but I know I can't do that forever; plus, it always comes back and hits me like a tsunami wave. Why? I don't know... issues with trusting God, uncertainty of the future, second guessing the choices I've made in life thus far, etc. Trust me though, there are some things I know for certain that I don't regret or second guess myself for doing: my missions trip to Mexico, starting school, dating my best friend whom I love, respect and adore, all the friends I've made here at TFC and at ACC (or Point University as they call themselves now). There is so much stuff (and people) I would have missed out on if I hadn't done what I have done. I just wish for peace right now in my troubled mind...



Of course because of this, my first and overwhelming reaction is to run for it! Run away and move on to something else and just start wondering on through life again. For whatever reason, I still have this reaction after all this time of me trying to trust in God and move in the direction that it seems God wants me to go in. But I know that the things I truly want and desire in life I'm never gonna get if I keep having that mentality and behavior in me. However the longer I stay put, the more worries, the more fear, the more uncertainty builds in me... WHY?! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL?!?! Even through all this I seek God and try to better understand why I'm like this, searching my own heart and soul and trying to understand why I'm like this. Is it because of distrust having a hold of my heart for so long? Is it because of the constant moving about all my life and just learning to be emotionally detached for so long? Never having friends, never allowing myself to be known, never seeking and pursuing to love someone more than myself? Or a combination of a couple of these or all of them? I just don't know...
I do however know this: my God loves me, he has put people in my life who love me too and that no matter how much I worry whatever it may be I always make it through. Yes, it has always cost me something but isn't that the point of being a Christian? Yes we have the freedom and right to choose (so really I do have the freedom to run if I wanted to) but I know that if I do I would be turning my back on God, his will for me and those that I love most in life. I'm scared... I'm uncertain... I'm doubtful... but I choose to still try and walk on (even though at times it feels like I'm crawling on my hands and knees just to move forward). Why? Because in the end - no matter how eloquently I put it - it's seems to be the right thing to do and I know what I do the right thing that pleases God, my heavenly Father.
Also during this time, I finished Emerson Eggerichs' book "Love and Respect" and this quote that I read has pretty much haunted me for the past couple of days: "James 4:2 [You do not have because you do not ask] does not refer to asking God for health and wealth. It is talking about asking for power to cope with life's real problems. If anything is heard in heaven, it is the unselfish prayer, based on the heart of God. Too many people pray, 'God, here is what is on my heart. Please fulfill my desires for me.' What we should be praying is, 'God, here is what is on your heart. Please fulfill your desires in me.'" I guess right now I'm trying to figure that out too...

Well that's it for now! I'm heading home to see my family for the first time in a while! Gonna try and enjoy the rest of this summer as much as I can and not think too much about the future... hope to hear/see some of y'all soon! Later days!

~Jeanne :)

Hey guys! Sorry again for it being a while since I last posted but its been quite an interesting kind of month and definitely one that has taken quite a toll on me...

First of all, Rich and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary! It was so awesome... he took me out to eat and then surprised me by taking me to a drive in movie place for the very first time! It was so cool... we saw X-Men: First Class and since the movie was set in the 60s and all, it worked so well with the drive in theater. We had a blast!
After that week, things kinda started going downhill for me for a bit. For a few different reasons, that old part of me that is so use to moving around and not having a place to call home start rising up in me again and was becoming kinda restless and wanting to get out of this place. I don't know where it came from but it was definitely something I knew that I needed to handle and understand quickly. After talking to a few people and really trying to see what was going on, I think I understand what it was now: being so use to not staying in a place for so long, the habit of packing and moving was starting to get at me. I'm one of those people that in order for me to feel like I'm accomplishing something in life I need some kind of tangible evidence; for whatever reason, I think I translated moving from place to place as evidence me moving on and through life. But that's a problem... because that is not what I want in life. I truly want a place to call home and settle in a place for a time and grow deeper into the community. So now apparently there is this desire to find where I belong - my home - and the habit of always being on the move and not calling any place mine. There may be some of you out there that actually understand what I'm going through; no worries though... this heart's desire I'm starting to slowly see and realize is far stronger than the habit of always being on the move.



Well for some of you, y'all knew I got sick but for those of you who don't, I got terribly sick about a week and a half ago with a nasty sinus infection that had begin to turn into pneumonia. Not only was this very rare but completely inconvenient (well at least I think it was) because the next session for summer school was starting and I was wanting to attend to at least get a couple of classes out of the way. Not only was I pretty much bed ridden for the next week or so but I also was unable to attend any classes; so I withdrew from the summer session. I can not tell you how absolutely irritated I was by all this! First of all, I very rarely get sick (like it happens once or twice a year and generally I get over it in a couple of days - yeah I have one of those insanely strong immune systems) but for it to happen at just that time and for it to last that long made it impossible to get out of bed, let alone attend any kind of class. However in a matter of one day, I had 4 different people tell me the exact same thing (what makes it even more interesting is that 3 of these 4 people I don't even really know): "It seems for right now you just need to rest and take a break from school for a while..." Okay, I'm not one of those people that can NATURALLY take it easy; I mean even now I'm reading books and articles on marriage (like Dr. Emerson Eggrich's Love and Respect book - amazing book by the way), God's design for it (awesome articles on Focus on the Family's website on this topic)and its importance in the structure of family and community not because I'm bored but because this is what I'm studying in school to get a degree in. I have to do something! If I don't, I feel like a slob or something. However, I've begun to realize that resting is a good thing and is even something that God expects us to do (like "taking" a Sabbath I guess). For me, I'm just not use to resting. Slowly but surely God is showing me that resting and waiting is a good thing and that during this time I can use it to better myself in my walk with him and to do some reading and studying at my own leisurely pace in things that I've always wanted to dig deeper into.
In all honesty though, I really can't wait till I'm done with school... this stress and pressure crap is for the birds. Unfortunately though I still have two years left... *>.<*

Any ways, that's it for now! Hope all is going well for y'all and hope to see ya soon! Happy early 4th of July and later days!

~Jeanne :)

Hey guys! I know, I know... its been a while and I'm sorry about that but you know, alot of things have been happening and even though it seemed really bad has started turning out to be something beautiful...

Well this summer was intended for me to be somewhat of a "catch up" summer for me with school but alot of things happened with me at once and because of that it really knocked me for a loop and I realized really quickly that I needed to take a break for a while from school. For the past 4 years I've been going HARD CORE beginning with my almost year long mission trip to Mexico and then immediately heading into school afterwards where I've been spending the last 3 years of my life and it wasn't until in the past couple of weeks I've realized I haven't had a real breather in a while. So for the past couple of weeks and even for the next couple of weeks I'm taking it off and relaxing some and pursuing hard after God in ways I haven't really had a chance to do in a while.



Now when it comes to these struggles... well lets just say they have alot to do with my concepts and preconceived notions of marriage and families. For me right now I've had to go through the ringer about that. I still don't have all the answers (in fact I feel like I have no answers still) but I'm trying to understand alot of things when it comes to marriage and families. Of course I know that no family is perfect but if you've based alot of your ideals and notions about marriage and family on your own family because really that's the only example and tangible evidence of these ideals and notions in your life then its going to harder than anything in and of this world to try and start understanding any other form or concept of family. For me, my family is all I've ever had in my life; the only true stable thing over the years for me as I moved from place to place, changing in and out of schools and churches, always feeling and being treated by others that I don't belong, even coming in and out of heart broken relationships. My parents and my sister have always been there for me and it is almost unbearable whenever I see them going through struggles and I'm not capable of helping them - literally and figuratively. I feel like in some sense I owe them at least that for always being there for me when no one else was. However, because I relied so much on my family and looked to them for answers I forgot about the other being that has been in my life: my perfect Heavenly Father. Instead of looking to him for the right answers that my family couldn't give to me, there was ALOT of ideas that have developed over the years that either weren't true or falsely assumed by me. In the end, it is my fault that I've allowed myself to think and believe in the manner that I do about families and marriage and now I must throw out EVERYTHING that I thought I knew about family and begin this process all over again (and for those of you who know me, I hate these kinds of processes). I know that its time for me to move on, grow up and become the responsible adult that my parents worked so hard to raise me to be all these years; its time for me to let go and let God change me into the person he needs me to become to fulfill his will on this earth not only as I become a Family and Children's Minister but as I later on become a wife and a mother my self. Please pray for me right now as I begin this and ask that God would open my mind and heart and teach me in ways like he never has done before when it comes to what and how he truly designed families and marriage to be like.



Recently the most overpowering and consistent thing that I keep hearing and seeing in my quiet time and personal life is the promises of God and me being an heir of God. I can't help but see how this really will play into what I'm trying to learn about families and marriage but also one of the overall things I've been trying to deal with and be better at - trusting God. I know that with everything that has gone on in my life and all the people I've met and known, its hard to believe in promises and trust in people. One of the things that my dad taught me was, "Your word means everything. Your character, your integrity, your identity is based on the words you keep or break." For far too long, I've focused on how people will keep breaking this promises to me, waiting for them to pull that rug out from under me and unfortunately because of that its transferred over into my spiritual life and walk with God, hindering me from truly trusting in him. I feel like I've got to ask God for forgiveness everyday because of how much I've done it in the past and how I still do it now. Again, I ask that you pray for me as I begin battling against this notion that God isn't like that. I know in my heart of hearts he's not like that but of course (me and my logical self) because of all that I've experienced and seen in my life of people doing that, I can't help but translate as God being that way as well.

Well thanks for checking in on me! Hope y'all have a great and safe Memorial Day. I also want to say as special thank you to all the service men and women out there protecting all of us here and abroad who can't defend themselves. I also wish to thank and extended my deepest condolences to the families out there who have lost loved one due to them serving to fight for those of us who couldn't fight for ourselves. No word or deed could ever be done to replace that precious person you lost... thank you for having helped make that person who they were that they would pay the ultimate sacrifice for you and me.



Later days!

~Jeanne:)

Hey guys! Sorry for not posting in such a long time... so busy with life, school and everything else in between happening! Hope all is going well for everyone... lets get to it, shall we?

So school is over for some people... however I'm one of those lucky few that in order to play catch up I choose to do summer school (can you hear the sarcasm in my words?) ;) Really in all honesty, I'm excited! I'm happy I get to catch up on my classes and learn some more this summer. Also during this time, I've been hired on as one of the female summer RAs here at the school so that will be fun, right? Anywho, I'll be taking some American Literature, God and Redemption, Power Encounter and Western Civilization II this summer! I can't wait...



Well beside school stuff, I've been having a little fun too! I've hung out with friends, attended nice, fancy like banquets and even helped my youth pastor boyfriend Rich out with his youth group. Its so much fun to hang out with those kids and help Rich it... I love doing it and getting to know each one of them more and more! :D Here's a few pics from the last couple of things I've had the absolute pleasure and delight of helping out with...







Again, its been such a blast to get to know these kids and their folks and being a part of this ministry!



Now when it comes to my spiritual walk... that's a little more difficult to pin point. Its just that I feel a little distant from God. In all honesty, I haven't been consistent with my quiet times and searching for God. I've been so loaded down with school and with different stuff when it comes to friends, drama, family, etc. What I do know is that I can't keep doing this... I feel like I'm in a haze and all I'm doing is walking forward, just daily doing the right thing when its required (and at times when its not) and just moving on. Each day I try and walk in God's obedience and sometimes that's alot more easier said than done. With summer school coming up next week and other responsibilities falling on me, I truly hope that I make that time for him. I truly do want and desire to change from the person I was and even am now and become that new creation he wants and wishes me to be. But I know its gonna take alot more sacrifice on my part... I've just gotta do it...

Well that's it for now! Sorry its not more, hopefully I'll be able to tell you alot more the next time I post! Hope all is well! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey there guys! Its been such a long while... but between school, family, social life and the like I've hardly had much of a break! However now that I have a slight breather I can let y'all know what's going on in my life right now...

First and foremost, school is ramping up like it never has before! I mean I knew that assignments and papers and the like were going to be coming up and the expectations of papers in my new major (Family and Children's Ministry) were going to start getting a bit tough but dang! I REALLY wasn't expecting this... However I know God has led me in this direction for whatever reason and so I'm gritting my teeth and pushing through, giving my all and hoping I survive in the end... @.@; Also, I had to have my adviser interview for the department to get to know me and look over my application of being accepted into the department. Please pray that all goes well with that. Also, I'm trying my hardest to get into summer school and play "catch up" this summer with some of my courses. Pray that all goes well with that (especially financially).



Well when it comes to family and friends and significant others, all is going pretty well. Rich and I are still dating (it'll be almost 4 or 5 months now) and are enjoying it tremendously! We've learned ALOT about ourselves and about God in all this! Such a blessing to be in each others' lives the way we are especially when it comes to helping one another out whatever that may be (like how he helps me out with school and understanding ministry or how I help him with his youth ministry from time to time and continue encouraging him however he may need it). My family is still working hard and doing well... my dad is still looking for a job and working on his Master of Divinity degree while my mom is still working as a first grade teacher and she just got done with her masters degree and received her diploma the other day! I can't wait to go to her graduation ceremony... So proud of her... :D My sister is still singing and writing music as always and working hard! Like I said, all is going pretty well... :)



Now when it comes to God and my walk with him right now, let's just say its focusing ALOT on trust. After pursuing God in this sense for so long, now it feels like God is asking me and encouraging me to trust him and others in far deeper levels than I ever had before and I'm not going to lie: it terrifies the ever living snot out of me! I know this may sound weird and even contradictory to how I usually sound but bear with me. Most of my life, anything and everything good I've strive after (whether that was dreams, guys, careers, etc) was either denied to me or it was given to me for a short time and then taken from me ...- either way, some serious wounds came about as a result making it hard to trust God and others and causing me to result to investing very little in personal relationships with others cause, "Hey! What does it matter? I won't be here long anyway...". In a sense you could say, my biggest insecurity is that God denies me some of the great things in life for whatever reason He seems fit. Now I know in my heart of hearts that God is a faithful and loving God and that he grants us the desires of our hearts in one way or another. However, me being a very logical and analytical person, I can't help but deduce God being like this because of the experiences I have had in my life.
During this time, I'm also going through Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" book (via podcasts) and that has definitely been doing a number on me. Not only am I addressing my own self made insecurities but insecurities I've developed due to others or even some of the things God has taken me through and that I've taken away from those experiences. Right now I just ask y'all to pray for me in all of this... I know that once I start really battling this and conquering it so many things are going to start opening for me when it comes to life and understanding and walking with God.

Well that's it for now... I hope this wasn't too much or even too little for you! Take care and hope to hear/see y'all soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey there gang! Its been quite busy.. sorry for the delay in blog posts but here we go! :)

So naturally as it happens in school, things are starting to pick up in classes and their assignments. I have quite a few projects and papers coming up and I've been trying to stay ahead of the game. Things are looking good but now I have other things to add on to that though: finding a car, finding a job, lining up stuff for the summer so I can stay up here in Toccoa to do summer school and all, tax stuff, etc. Yeah, if it isn't one thing then its another right now. I'm also trying not to get frustrated but that's easier said than done. >.<* Just praying for patience and stead-fastness in all of this so I can get it done and done well! :)



Yeah so Valentine's Day is coming up. Not gonna lie... I'm kinda excited! ^.^ Rich and I are planning to do something (what exactly I'm not too sure but he does) and not to put pressure on him but this will be my very first Valentine's Day with someone... ever! Valentine's Day was, to me at least, like another Easter or Christmas where it was about getting candy than anything else (while telling others in your life -parents, siblings, friends, etc- that they're special). But as time went on, it became more of that "Singles Awareness' Day" for me. Now however, I'm really excited that not only do I get to be part of the festivities like other couples do but more so I get to spend it with someone who's not only my best friend but someone I care so deeply for and treasure so much so in my life! Its so wonderful... :D



So keeping with the "love" theme, I want to let you guys know that I've found this book that I've heard alot of people recommend to me but was kinda hesitant to read: "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Not gonna lie-sounds like a great book but I'm a little scared in reading it. Not too sure what is going to be said in it but I know that as soon as I read the intro into the book and the very last sentence really gets to you, maybe it would be a good thing to read it: Will you let Me (God) write your love story? The true Author of love and relationships wants to create and design a unique and powerful love story that not only transcends the best love stories the world has to offer but that in the end centers and glorifies him. I'm scared... but I can't help but wonder what exactly it would entail. All I know is that I have this feeling that this book could wreck me... and it might just be that I need that... :)

Well that's it for now! Sorry it wasn't too long or extensive like it usually is. Hope y'all are having a great week and hope to see ya soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys how's it going? Hope all is well.. things are going pretty well for me right now. But lets cut the formalities and get to what you are really here for... ;)

So yeah! I started my second semester here at Toccoa Falls this past week! It was pretty stressful at first because I signed up for three CE (Christian Education) classes - which all you do is write MASSIVE papers in- and then a couple of required classes as well as signed up for a student ministry! However, when I looked at the syllabi for all my classes and the requirements for student ministry... I literally curled up in a ball and cried I was so stressed out! So I (begrudgingly) dropped one of my CE classes to lighten the loads so I actually gained my weekends and free time back! :D In all honesty, it was some of that but more so if I'm going to learning and studying this stuff in which is going to more than likely require me to later apply and use in life for the vocation I've been called to, I need to FULLY understand and retain as much of this stuff as possible. Cause hey, these are just any lives I'm going to working with and help to lead to the Lord but children's lives and souls - heavy responsibilities my friends... :S



So with the classes I'm taking now, I'm slowly being introduced and understanding some of the things that are being asked and called for from people who are going into ministries and not just children and youth ministries but more so FAMILY ministry! If there is anything that I've figured I have a passion for its for the concept and vision of what family is and really what God intended it to be. My passion has become this and the importance of syncing the various ministries of the church so that it may better serve the family and putting the responsibility of educating the children and yourself in a better understanding of God and his will for everyone's life! As I've begun finding and establishing a desire and goal for the kind of ministry I wish to one day construct and do in a church, I'm learning more and more the importance of a child's soul and how when a child is well established in a Christian worldview they are more likely to continue their relationship with Christ and be far more effective Christians in this world than the generation before them was. I can't wait to see what I learn and what desire and passion comes next... :D



So right now with school getting under way and yet to find a good book to read for my devotional time, I'm walking through and reading the Gospel of John. "Truly, truly I say unto you" that his guy loved Jesus (probably why he was called the Beloved Disciple). I'm up to chapter 20 now where Jesus has just been crucified and taken down and buried. But today one of the chapters I read was about when he was before Pontus Pilate being tried and the Jews wanting Rome to crucify him. First of they said they brought him to the Praetorium (generally the place where the governor of that area lives and works), very early in the morning! Meaning these dudes drag Jesus to the Governor's house possibly before or even when the sun is rising and starting banging on Pontus Pilate's door to get him to come out and judge Jesus (no they couldn't go in because then they wouldn't be able to partake in Passover). Really... if you were Pontus Pilate and some dudes (who probably really don't like nor care for much) come banging on your door before the butt-crack of dawn wanting you to trial a man who you know nothing about? Or maybe he did... after all this happening, Jesus is summoned inside and the first question out of Pontus Pilate's mouth is "Are you the king of the Jews?" Maybe he had seen and/or heard about Jesus and probably already knew the stigma this guy had amongst some Jews. Of course Jesus asks him if he was saying this willingly or if someone told Pilate about him. Of course Pilate tells him he knows nothing and begins asking him again whether or not he was a king. Jesus tells him he has answered correctly and tells him, "For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears My voice.” Then Pilate states one of the oldest philosophical questions ever: "What is truth?" After that all it says is that he had him flogged, found no guilt in him and was about to turn him over to the Jews who were about to have him killed when he found out another fact about this man: He claimed to be the Son of God. Pilate immediately returns to Jesus and asks him where he was from. No reply. Then he said something that probably struck a nerve with Jesus: "Do you know I have the authority to save your life?" In that one sentence, whether knowingly or not, he literally spat not only in the face of God and his authority over all things but he also spat on the greatest mission God had ever concocted: the plan of salvation for all of his creation. I can almost see Jesus responding, not just fatigued by the beatings but also in pure anger and frustration, “You would have no authority over Me, unless it had been given you from above; for this reason he who delivered Me to you has the greater sin.” Of course afterward it talks about how Pilate tries to save Jesus' life but to no avail. In the end, the question was asked of the Jews "Shall I crucify your king?" I can't help but look at this and see it as a last chance for them to try and see what God was doing and actually letting God be their King! However in one quick and devastating proclamation, the Jews turned their backs completely on God: "We have no king but Caesar." Makes a person really think doesn't it...

Well that's it for now! Hope y'all have a great rest of the week! Hope to see some of y'all soon! Later days!

~Jeanne;)

Hey guys! Hope y'all are having a great week! Hopefully y'all are doing well with New Year's Resolutions, avoiding sickness and getting back into "normal mode" now that the holidays are over with. I know I am...

Now, some of y'all have already headed back to school and are beginning to feel the pressure of the academic world upon you (like I am). Some of y'all still have some time before heading back and are enjoying their time off and even more of y'all are done with school (not going to lie I envy y'all latter two). I had to come back and take a required class for my degree (Western Thought and Culture or Humanities as some call it). Its been pretty interesting because of some of the history aspect to it. However - not going to lie - its almost pointless to take because of how condensed they have made it. I, more than likely, will not remember much of this after I'm done because of quickly we went through it and how very little time was spent on some of the material. The cool thing, I think, about all this is that the class I'm in is taught by the philosophy professor here at TFC so of course he puts alot of the philosophical spin on it, when he can. So I am somewhat enjoying it... somewhat... ;)



Well as I talked about last time, I was going to try and dig deeper and establish a better understanding and practice of spiritual discipline and in all honesty guys I had no idea what I was getting myself into. For the past week I have tried and tried to read and develop some kind of discipline in my prayer life and in my quiet times and you would have thought I had given an open invitation to the Enemy to come at me! I can't believe how much the Enemy has used things (and succeeded in using them) to keep me from establishing some kind of discipline in my spiritual walk. The distractions, the worries, the lies, the temptations... its crazy! The thing is as much as I want to give up, I can't... I know it would be easier to just roll over and take the hits from the Enemy however I can't. As I sit here and think about it, the same question keeps popping up: Why? Why is he doing this to me? I know that the Enemy doesn't want me to get closer to my heavenly father and he wants to see me fail and fail miserably (as CS Lewis once said -loosely quoting - that its not the nonbelievers that the Enemy has to work to have them in hell, but its the believers who fall away from God that are the greatest victories for him). The thing is that that can't be the only reason. I feel like there is something else... like there is something that the Enemy is afraid of me learning, establishing and becoming and he is doing everything he can to keep from that goal. And because of that, it only makes me more determined to do this now... pray for me as I do this... :)



So I know that this is a rarity but I want to ask you guys to pray for me and for some of the people in my life:
-Me: God's strength and courage to face the enemy and truly begin to develop discipline in my life. (A little less minor one-I'm still looking for a car. Prayers for that would be appreciated as well)
-My boyfriend: he's been pretty sick. Pray for God's healing hand on him.
-My family
-My friends here at TFC: A lot of people are either sick or are dealing with some serious financial issues which is keeping them from coming back for school. Pray that God's will be done in all of these things.

I also want y'all to know that if you ever need someone to pray for you about something, I'm always here. Let me know if y'all need prayer for something, whatever it may be! I love you guys and I want to be able to help you however I can and I know the least I can do for y'all is pray.

Well that's it for now! Gotta get back to studying and preparing for the week! Y'all take it easy... later days!

~Jeanne;)