Hey guys! I know, I know... its been a while and I'm sorry about that but you know, alot of things have been happening and even though it seemed really bad has started turning out to be something beautiful...

Well this summer was intended for me to be somewhat of a "catch up" summer for me with school but alot of things happened with me at once and because of that it really knocked me for a loop and I realized really quickly that I needed to take a break for a while from school. For the past 4 years I've been going HARD CORE beginning with my almost year long mission trip to Mexico and then immediately heading into school afterwards where I've been spending the last 3 years of my life and it wasn't until in the past couple of weeks I've realized I haven't had a real breather in a while. So for the past couple of weeks and even for the next couple of weeks I'm taking it off and relaxing some and pursuing hard after God in ways I haven't really had a chance to do in a while.



Now when it comes to these struggles... well lets just say they have alot to do with my concepts and preconceived notions of marriage and families. For me right now I've had to go through the ringer about that. I still don't have all the answers (in fact I feel like I have no answers still) but I'm trying to understand alot of things when it comes to marriage and families. Of course I know that no family is perfect but if you've based alot of your ideals and notions about marriage and family on your own family because really that's the only example and tangible evidence of these ideals and notions in your life then its going to harder than anything in and of this world to try and start understanding any other form or concept of family. For me, my family is all I've ever had in my life; the only true stable thing over the years for me as I moved from place to place, changing in and out of schools and churches, always feeling and being treated by others that I don't belong, even coming in and out of heart broken relationships. My parents and my sister have always been there for me and it is almost unbearable whenever I see them going through struggles and I'm not capable of helping them - literally and figuratively. I feel like in some sense I owe them at least that for always being there for me when no one else was. However, because I relied so much on my family and looked to them for answers I forgot about the other being that has been in my life: my perfect Heavenly Father. Instead of looking to him for the right answers that my family couldn't give to me, there was ALOT of ideas that have developed over the years that either weren't true or falsely assumed by me. In the end, it is my fault that I've allowed myself to think and believe in the manner that I do about families and marriage and now I must throw out EVERYTHING that I thought I knew about family and begin this process all over again (and for those of you who know me, I hate these kinds of processes). I know that its time for me to move on, grow up and become the responsible adult that my parents worked so hard to raise me to be all these years; its time for me to let go and let God change me into the person he needs me to become to fulfill his will on this earth not only as I become a Family and Children's Minister but as I later on become a wife and a mother my self. Please pray for me right now as I begin this and ask that God would open my mind and heart and teach me in ways like he never has done before when it comes to what and how he truly designed families and marriage to be like.



Recently the most overpowering and consistent thing that I keep hearing and seeing in my quiet time and personal life is the promises of God and me being an heir of God. I can't help but see how this really will play into what I'm trying to learn about families and marriage but also one of the overall things I've been trying to deal with and be better at - trusting God. I know that with everything that has gone on in my life and all the people I've met and known, its hard to believe in promises and trust in people. One of the things that my dad taught me was, "Your word means everything. Your character, your integrity, your identity is based on the words you keep or break." For far too long, I've focused on how people will keep breaking this promises to me, waiting for them to pull that rug out from under me and unfortunately because of that its transferred over into my spiritual life and walk with God, hindering me from truly trusting in him. I feel like I've got to ask God for forgiveness everyday because of how much I've done it in the past and how I still do it now. Again, I ask that you pray for me as I begin battling against this notion that God isn't like that. I know in my heart of hearts he's not like that but of course (me and my logical self) because of all that I've experienced and seen in my life of people doing that, I can't help but translate as God being that way as well.

Well thanks for checking in on me! Hope y'all have a great and safe Memorial Day. I also want to say as special thank you to all the service men and women out there protecting all of us here and abroad who can't defend themselves. I also wish to thank and extended my deepest condolences to the families out there who have lost loved one due to them serving to fight for those of us who couldn't fight for ourselves. No word or deed could ever be done to replace that precious person you lost... thank you for having helped make that person who they were that they would pay the ultimate sacrifice for you and me.



Later days!

~Jeanne:)